A Very OMFnG Squee Christmas
by DragonLord1975
Summary: Finland loves spending Christmas bringing joy to every nation of the world. However, when an ancient evil goddess threatens to ruin the holidays, Finland recruits the nations of the world to band together, save Christmas and lay the Smackdown on this wannabe Grinchess all before the eggnog gets cold! Family fun for all nations (even Sealand).
1. On the 1st Day of HetaXmas…

HETALIA: AXIS POWERS © Hidekaz Himaruya/Gentosha

On the 1st Day of HetaXmas…

It was a busy year on Earth with the usual heated debates at the UN Building. After the meeting has adjourned, everyone returned to their respective nations. The day is December 1. Finland is working on his red sleigh in preparation for Christmas. For Finland, Christmas is his moment in the sun, and loves to spread the joy to all the nations in the world, both actually and figuratively. Suddenly without warning, Finland felt arms slowly going around his waist. He groans disappointingly knowing who it was behind him.

"Ole hyvä," Finland moaned, "I'm real busy tonight."

"Come now, maka," Sweden said, "You can relax for one night. Christmas is only weeks away."

"I have to make sure everything is working perfectly," Finland continued. "One faulty bolt, one splintered runner, or anything out of sorts will ruin the sleigh."

"Alright, work on your sleigh," Sweden sighed, "but tomorrow, you owe me **big**!"

Sweden walked away to let Finland continue his work. As he was working, he noticed something in the sky. It was a red star that was soaring in an erratic pattern.

"Strange," Finland thought. "That star is acting rather weird. Maybe its the Aurora Borealis causing it. I might have to talk to Iceland about that."

Then, the shining red star came plummeting down towards Finland. Upon looking closely, Finland recognizes that the red star isn't a star at all. It was a nose.

"VOI LUOJA!" Finland exclaimed. "RUDOLPH!"

As Finland has guessed, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer came flying in to greet the friendly nation. However, Rudolph has a worried look on his face.

"Rudolph, what's wrong?" Finland asked. "Are the other reindeer back to bullying you again?"

"No, Tino," Rudolph said. "We got trouble up in the North Pole!"

"The North Pole?!"

"Yes, and it's a big one!" continued Rudolph. "Some evil woman has taken over the North Pole! She has taken Santa's Workshop hostage!"

"Not the Workshop!" Finland shouted. "Where's Santa and the rest of your team?"

"We managed to barely escape," Rudolph said. "However, there's something else you should know."

"What is it, Rudolph?" Finland asked.

"She claims this is out of revenge on you!" Rudolph explained. "Her name is Louhi, and she's doing this to destroy you."

The name Louhi hit Finland like a ton of bricks. His ancient ancestor outsmarted her and took control of a magical mill. Ever since then, she wanted revenge. Without hesitation, Finland hooked Rudolph up to his sleigh (still being modified) and took off to find help.

Meanwhile, around New York City, the G8 Summit and other nations are in Rockefeller Plaza working on the giant Christmas tree as part of tradition in the city. Most of the nations were doing the decorations while America is observing from on the ice rink.

"You're doing fine, guys," America called out from his megaphone. "This tree is gonna so rock Christmas this year!"

"I don't get why _we_ have to decorate this tree," England complained, "and that _you_ lollygag around and do nothing!"

"But I _am_ helping," America continued. "I have the most important decoration of them all: the star!"

On cue, America pulls out a big angel holding a star. The angel bears a resemblance to America.

"America's ego bigger than whole tree," mumbled China. "That one reason Christmas is outlawed where I live."

"Well, didi," grumbled Taiwan, "we somewhat agree on something! However, Christmas Day holds **some** meaning for me, not that you don't give a rat's ass."

"Although my nation doesn't officially recognize Christmas, I still celebrate it," said Japan. "My island in the south celebrates it."

"So, Japan," asked England, "where are your partners? I haven't seen them around."

"America put Germany and Italy in charge of food and refreshments."

"Better them than England in charge," France quipped. "His food would make even a Grinch turn his stomach."

"I'LL TURN YOUR STOMACH BY RIPPING IT OUT, WANKER!" snarled England.

"TRY IT AND I'LL TWEAK YOUR NOSE SO HARD," replied France loudly, "YOU'LL PUT RUDOLPH'S NOSE TO SHAME!"

And naturally, England and France began to fight again inside the Christmas tree. The fighting got so out of hand that the tree began to shake.

"Hey! What's going on up there?!" America shouted in his megaphone. "I didn't request _Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree_!"

Before America knew it, England and France's feuding began to topple the tree. Suddenly, the tree began to fall over towards America, with almost all the nations still on top of it. And just like clockwork, the whole tree, nations and all, fell down on top of America. Noticing something, Russia walked towards America who got crushed by the entire tree complete with the nations. Slowly but surely, each nation crawled out of the tree with minor bruises. England and France had severe bruises from the fall combined with their in-fighting (again).

"Well, you blockheads," America grumbled. "You almost ruined Christmas! What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"Timber!" laughed Russia as he maintained his childlike smile on his face.

"You're lucky that you're in charge of music," America groaned, "or I'll show you what Nutcracker means!"

Germany and Italy rushed over to what was left of the tree. Germany noticed almost everyone was safe.

"Sorry, fellas," Italy sighed, "the pasta isn't ready just yet."

"Italy, you dummkopf!" Germany barked. "We have injuries here! A soldier ALWAYS cares for another, even in times of peace!"

"Yes, Germany! Sorry, Germany!" Italy cried.

After all the debris is cleaned up and everyone's injuries have been tended to, the nations see Rudolph's nose in the sky.

"Is it me or is that Rudolph?" Germany pointed out.

"Oh goody! It's Santa Claus!" Italy squealed. "He's come early!"

"It must be Finland out on a practice run," England said. "However, judging by his speed, I'd say he's in a bit of a rush."

Finland touched down to the wreckage of the giant tree and once again met up with the nations.

"Am I glad to see you guys!" Finland exclaimed, panting. "We've got to hurry!"

"What seems to be the trouble, Finland?" Germany asked.

"An ancient enemy of mine has resurfaced," Finland replied. "Her name is Louhi, and she's taken Santa's Workshop hostage! Santa and his team are fine, but she wants revenge on me!"

"With Santa's Workshop hostage," Italy whined, "there will be no toys for the bambinos!"

"Exactly!" Finland noted. "However, I can't face this battle alone! I know Sweden is behind me, but how about you? Will you help me?"

"Well, whaddya think, guys?" America addressed. "Looks like a mission for heroes to step in! And as heroes, we fight evil and protect the innocent!"

"Sound boring if you ask me," Russia said listly. "I don't seem to care why _I_ should assist anyone in anything."

"Remember, I'm a dead shot in the Winter War," Finland added.

"I'll follow you to the depths of Hell!" Russia chimed while sweating profusely.

"Very well, my friends," Finland acknowledged. "Rudolph and I will head towards the North Pole. The rest of you follow me."

America was about to object of Finland leading the mission, but Russia told him this was Finland's mission and Finland's rules. Plus, Russia also told America that Finland shoots better than America ever could, so America decided to concede leadership to Finland.

After remodifying the sleigh with spare parts from Germany's garage, Finland took off with Rudolph pulling the sleigh. Suddenly, the sleigh went so fast, it was literally a comet.

"Hurry, heroes!" America ordered. "Follow Finland!"

The G8 Summit climbed inside 4 F-15 fighter jets America borrowed from NORAD in order to keep up with Finland. America and Japan went into one, England and France in another, Russia and China in another, and Germany and Italy in the fourth one.

"Now, let's go save Christmas!" Germany said with passion, as the G8 Summit headed towards the North Pole with Finland leading the charge.

On the ground, the other nations head back to their embassies except for one, carrying a polar bear.

"I hope they'll be OK," the nation said. "I'd lend a helping hand if they need me to. Some of the North Pole is near my land after all."

"And who are you?" the polar bear asked.

"I'm Canada."

HETALIA EXTRAS

ole hyvä: Finnish for "please", used as in interjection

maka: Swedish for "wife" or "partner"

voi luoja: Finnish for "Oh My God!"

Louhi is an evil enchantress in Kalevala, a collection of poems in Finnish mythology. One of its heroes is Väinämöinen, a popular bard and folk hero. Also note that Finland's human name is Tino Väinämöinen.

China is one of a few countries in the world that does not recognize Christmas as an official holiday. Although, December 25 also marks the constitution of Taiwan.

Some of Japan's population, especially those in Kyushu, are predominantly Christian, and celebrate Christmas there.

"The Nutcracker" is a ballet performance featuring classical compositions from Pyotr Tchaikovsky.

During the Winter War between Finland and the Soviet Union, more than 500 Soviet soldiers were killed by a lone sniper. His name is Simo Häyhä, a simple Finnish farmer, but feared by the Soviets who nicknamed Häyhä "White Death".


	2. They Came Upon the Midnight Clear

Finland and the G8 Summit were soaring near the Arctic Circle. Finland motioned the other nations to land near an area that belongs to Canada. However, the way ahead is covered with snow and ice. And a snowstorm is about to start.

"Man, why does Canada have to live in a place like this?" America whined. "It's balls-freezing cold up here!"

"It's not so bad," Russia smiled. "To me, this is but a summer day."

"Easy for you to say!" America responded. "On top of that, my compass is 8 kinds of FUBAR!"

"That's because we're near the Magnetic North Pole, you pillock!" England grumbled. "Of course our compasses will be off the trolley!"

"So how do we follow Finland now?" France moaned. "Even if we can see Rudolph's nose, this snow will be a pain to cross on foot!"

"For once, the nancy's got a point," England added. "We have no modes of transportation to make the trek to the North Pole."

Just as things seemed hopeless for the G8 Summit, a large truck comes towards them. The truck is a standard car carrier with snowmobiles specifically modified for arctic travel. Out of the drivers' seat waves a few familiar faces to the G8 Summit: Canada and Sweden.

"I hope this helps you out, guys," Canada calls out.

"Perfect timing, bro," sighed America. "I was about to freeze my balls off."

The nations unloaded the snowmobiles from Canada's truck and were prepared to leave.

"Danke for everything, Hr. Canada," said Germany.

"Thank you," replied Canada shyly. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Inform the others," England said. "We'll need all the help we can to save Christmas for everyone."

"I'll do it! No problem!" Canada said with pride and took off. Sweden was left alone with the other nations.

"Aren't you going with Canada, Sweden?" America asked.

"Maka needs me," Sweden responded softly. "I'm leading this exposition. The snowstorm is about to worsen."

America tried to object, but England and France restrained him. After everything was settled, Sweden took the lead. The G8 Summit followed behind them, with Germany and Italy sharing a snowmobile and everyone else riding in their individual snowmobiles. The nations managed to catch up to Finland just as the snowstorm turned into a blizzard. It was hard to see through the whiteout conditions, but luckily for them, they can see Rudolph's nose shine through. Rudolph and his team traveled through harsh conditions for centuries, so they're used to it. However, America got too impatient and decided to step on the gas.

"Sorry, guys, but I'm still the hero!" America called out. "I can make it to the North Pole easily!"

Finland heard America's voice coming, and immediately he and Rudolph were sprayed with snow runoff from America's snowmobile.

"America!" shouted Finland. "_Mulkku_!"

Also, some of the runoff managed to send some of the other nations in different directions.

When the storm subsided, Finland looked behind him to see if any of the nations followed him. Sure enough, Sweden was right there alongside the Axis Powers.

"Where are the rest of the Allies?" Finland asked.

"Probably lost in different directions," Germany replied. "Luckily there are radios on our snowmobiles."

"But knowing America, he might have altered his radio," Sweden said, "and if that was the case, communication would be impossible."

"I hope Canada has informed everyone about our problem," Japan thought.

"Let's hope so, too," Finland replied, "for all our sakes."

Elsewhere, America runs out of gas on his snowmobile in the middle of the Northwest Territories.

"CRAP!" America growled. "What a time for a fuel crisis! I'd better radio for help!"

However, when America tried to use his radio, it began to smoke. He forgot he was playing his rock music on it during his joyride cutting off Finland.

"Well, that's just prime!" America cried out. "No radio, no fuel, no GPS, no nothing! I feel like I'm in an Amish freezer!"

Suddenly, America's situation got worse when a yeti came storming across the landscape, hungry for food.

"Why me?!" America hollered. "Why wasn't I lucky like Ireland?!"

The yeti was about to close in on America when two figures came into view. Both were wearing heavy winter coats and had their faces covered. One of the people looked bulkier than the other. The yeti seemed confused and tried to attack the mysterious figures. However, the bulky one simply lifted him up with one hand and threw him over the horizon.

"Wow! Dudes! That was hardcore!" America cheered enthusiatically. "Thanks for saving my ass!"

The two figures then came towards America. The bulky one revealed itself to America. The reason for the figure being bulky is because of an enormous chest underneath, as it was a tall voluptuous blond girl.

"Ukraine? Am I glad to see you!" America hugged her, rubbing his face on her chest. However, before he got further, he was punched in the face by the other mysterious figure.

"Capitalist swine," the other figure mumbled. "You never listen to anyone but your own ego."

"I should've known _you'd_ be here, too…" America groaned.

The other figure was indeed Ukraine's and Russia's little sister Belarus. Belarus then proceeded to handcuff America and shoved him in the sidecar of a motorcycle customized for arctic terrain.

"What's the big deal, yo?!" America grumbled.

"Forgive us, America," Ukraine said softly. "Comrade Finland somehow knew you'd end up this way, so he told us to retrieve you."

"Had to cater to your ego, didn't you?" Belarus reprimanded America.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" America growled. "I SNAFUED! You don't have to rub it in!"

"Well, get used to it," Belarus glared. "This is Finland's operation. Remember that!"

With that saying, Belarus knocks America out cold with the butt of her AK-47. Ukraine simply sighed.

"That wasn't really necessary, sister," Ukraine told Belarus. "I'm sure he knows now."

"Maybe," Belarus sneered, "but still he deserved it. He's still _zadnitsa_ to me."

HETALIA EXTRAS

FUBAR is an old American military term for "Fouled (Fucked) Up Beyond All Recognition".

The Magnetic North Pole is usually found in the Arctic Ocean. One of its previous locations was in Ellesmere Island, Canada.

_pillock_: British slang for "dunce"

_mulkku_: Finnish slang for "prick", as in "penis"

The Amish are an ethnic group in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania that stick to their traditional beliefs. They use no electricity or modern conveniences, and to get around they use wagons and horses, but no automobiles.

SNAFU is another American military term for "Situation Normal All Fouled (Fucked) Up".

_zadnitsa_: Russian for "asshole"


End file.
